Have you ever been a wingman for someone who was looking for love?
This week we have a guest blog from a Male's perspective on helping someone find love.
I was and the first time I proudly called myself a wingman, I messed up. I gave my friend the worst advice you can possibly give. As a result, he ended up in a toxic relationship that cost him four months of his precious lifetime.
But I learned a lot in the process. While I was embarking on my own dating journey, I learned what it really means to be a wingman. And no, it’s not about helping your friend to approach this one girl at the bar. It’s about so much more.
Today I want to share everything I learned in the past couple of years. My own trials and errors and my occupation as a professional dating coach taught me how to support, motivate and inspire someone who wants to find love.
I am writing this article from a male point of view because, well, I am a man. Nevertheless, everything I say is also true for women. So if you are a woman and you want to help your friend by being the best winggirl in the history of womankind, you can follow the same steps.
Let’s have a look at what it really means to help your friend to make the right decisions on his journey towards love.
You Have to Know Who He Really Is
The first quality that distinguishes a bad wingman from a great wingman is the knowledge about the person he is guiding. If you don’t know who the man you want to help really is, you can’t help him. It is really that simple.
The stronger the bond with your friend, the more likely is it that you can help him to succeed.
Let me give you an example to show you what I mean:
In case you don’t know whether the man you are helping is an introvert or an extrovert, it will be impossible for you to give him the right tips and to think about the right dating strategies. You might advise him to hit the clubs, even though the last thing he wants is to talk to party girls. He might be more interested in meeting the kind of girls that rather hang out in bookstores and libraries.
When you know everything about the past and the personality of the man you want to help, it becomes nearly impossible to give him the wrong advice.
You Have to Remind Him of What He Wants
What if you know exactly who he is, but his wants are not in alignment with his personality? Well, this is a problem that a lot of men have to deal with. They think that they want A while they actually want B. Please allow me to explain.
You know that your friend, who is a natural introvert, loves educated and intellectual women who know more about Charles Bukowski than about Justin Bieber. You know that he wants a healthy relationship with a woman who has the same interests and who just gets him.
One night he meets this incredibly beautiful woman who loves to party, to drink and who has never read a book in her entire life. What terrible mistake do most men make in this situation? They are attracted to her and now they try to rationalize why she is “the one”.
Of course, this rationalization is not based on logic, but on animalistic attraction. I think I don’t have to tell you that you would prevent your friend from making a terrible mistake by reminding him that a woman like that is actually the last thing he wants.
Teach Him Everything You Know
I already told you that I used to be a very bad wingman. Well, this has a reason. When I first started to guide men, I was a student myself. I was so busy testing, failing and learning that I couldn’t be of any help.
What did I do to change that? I traveled the world, connected with women on five different continents and learned what it really means to be a great wingman. I didn’t just develop dating skills. I developed the skills to teach other men to do what I did.
Now that I walked on the path that so many other guys are afraid to walk on, I can teach, support, inspire and motivate them along their journey. Now that I walked the walk it is easy for me to guide them in the right direction.
What does that mean for you and your qualities as a wingman? You have to walk the walk. You can’t just read a book about dating and expect that your guidance will lead your friend to success. You have to put your knowledge into practice and test everything you want to teach him. Only then will you be the wingman that your friend truly needs.
Help Him Every Step Along the way
Now that you have the knowledge that you need to help him, it’s time to keep your promise. Help him and I mean really help him. No matter how tiny his problems or how ridiculous his questions, be there for him and help him to solve the issue.
How does that look in practice?
Maybe he has confidence issues. Meditate with him and help him to become more confident by becoming one with his body and mind. Maybe he doesn’t know how to attract the opposite sex. Do everything in your power to help him to become more attractive to the opposite sex.
You are his wingman and no matter if he has a hard time filling out his online dating profile, or if he needs someone to talk about his deepest fears, you are there for him. If you help him every step along the way, he will eventually find the right woman.
Encourage Him When Things Are Tough
Sometimes you get rejected. Sometimes you are on a date with a woman and you just feel that you two are not compatible. Sometimes you are totally into a girl who then tells you via text that she doesn’t feel the same. This is called reality.
The dating game is not all sunshine and rainbows. It can be, as long as you don’t give up and keep going. If you, however, lose all your motivation just because a date didn’t work out the way you expected, you will never find the love that you want and deserve.
The saying that you have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince is both true for finding princes and princesses. Let’s be realistic. Chances are high that the first person you meet won’t be the one you end up marrying.
These are the times when the psychological support of a wingman is inevitable. It is your job to encourage him when things are tough and when he doesn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is your job to make sure that he keeps on going.
Reap the Benefits
If you fulfill your duty as a counselor and a motivating force, you will both reap the benefits. If you accompany him every step along the way and encourage him to not give up, he will eventually find the woman of his dreams. I can guarantee you that.
If you asked me to name the most fulfilling thing about being a wingman, I would give you the following answer:
“The most fulfilling thing about being a wingman is to look into the eyes of a changed man.”
Of course, it is amazing to get an invitation to a wedding and you know that you are the reason why he can celebrate this day. This is ambrosia for the ego. I don’t deny that.
But to be honest, nothing is more fulfilling than looking into the eyes of a man who found love.